Now available on Amazon/ Kindle: The River of Life. Recipient of the Catholic Writers Guild Seal of Approval. This story about Rose's father is the prequel to The Tree of Healing.

Twelve-year-old Anthony is carefree until his beloved father passes away. Questioning suffering and death, Anthony grows distant from God. A heaven-sent friend helps him to see God’s tender providence within the ebb and flow of life, in currents of loss and restoration, and in the living stream of Christ’s Blood. While trying to find the burial site of martyrs and searching for treasures they hid, he finds a hidden treasure that was before him all along: Christ Crucified. Anthony comes to understand what his father meant by his last words to him, that he would always find him in the Heart of Christ, open at the cross. When Anthony pours himself out for God, water springs up from the earth as a personal sign of the pouring out of Christ’s Heart in a great river of life.

Preview: The River of Life


Chapter 1

I, like a brook out of a river of a mighty water; I, like a channel of a river, and like an aqueduct, came out of paradise.     Ecclesiasticus 24:41

The sun rose in the summer sky alongside Anthony as he climbed his favorite tree on the vast grounds of his home. It took some time to reach the top of the ancient cedar, which towered over its surroundings like a great ladder into the heavens. He breathed deeply of the fresh evergreen scent as he stepped in familiar footholds and pulled himself up through the heavy branches spiraling the gnarled dark-red trunk.

When he was more than halfway up, loud chirping drew his attention to a sparrow building a nest in a hollow of the trunk. Anthony crept closer and leaned in.

The bird tilted its head to him before returning to work, using its beak to push a thin strip of scarlet cloth into layers of grass and twigs. Sunlight filtering through the leaves glittered on metallic gold threads embroidered on the cloth and on bits of material already woven in the nest.

Anthony whistled. “That’s some nest, birdy bright. Are you trying to match your own colors?” Russet patches on the sparrow’s breast and crown stood out against its soft gray and brown feathering. “And where’d you get that rich cloth?”

The bird chattered.

“Could you have found the abbey ruins? We’ve been searching for them for years. I’ll watch to see where you go.”

Anthony continued climbing to the top of the tree where he settled himself on a group of branches, holding on tightly as they swayed in the breeze. From this great height, he could see for miles past the stone walls surrounding their family estate, across the rolling hills to a far-off river. The Morning Star, as it was called, gleamed like a ribbon of silver light on the horizon.

“The world opens up from here. I wish I could explore it all, especially now with summer vacation starting. Papa said we’d hike to the river someday and follow it all the way to the sea. But I don’t think he can walk that far anymore.”

He sighed and dropped his gaze. A motion below drew his eyes to where his mother worked in their Rosary Garden, its layout clearly visible from this height. Tall hedges enclosed an inner garden of rose bushes arranged in the oval pattern of a rosary, with every set of ten bushes separated by a bush with a larger space in between. Three rose bushes emerged from a passageway of grapevine-covered trellises and led to the very tree he sat in, the great tree that represented the crucifix of the rosary.
“I should help Mama prune the roses.” Beyond the hedges, his father emerged from his work shed. “And I promised Papa I’d help him too. I’ll just see where this bird goes first.”

Anthony was an only child, as his parents had married later in life. They led simple lives even while dwelling in a vast estate that had been in his mother’s family for generations. Carefree for the most part, Anthony did have chores that were his responsibility, more so since turning twelve. He was supposed to keep up with the harvesting of fruits and nuts from their plentiful groves, but his love of the outdoors often distracted him.

Suddenly, the sparrow soared out of the tree.

Anthony watched until the bird was out of sight. “It’s headed toward the Martyrs Cliff.”

He descended the branches, sprinted down the gentle hill beneath the tree and through the passageway into the Rosary Garden. “I’ll help you later, Mama. I just want to check something first,” he called out.

“Don’t forget you told Papa you’d help him move the pedestal for the statue today.”

“I won’t,” he answered as he ran through a break in the hedges toward his house. After packing a sandwich into his knapsack, he added bread for the fish that lived in a pool below the cliff. Then he headed down the long tree-lined path in front of their home and out the front gates, the only opening in the tall outer walls.

Climbing and descending over the springy ground, he filled his lungs with pine-scented air. The only sounds were birds calling and the wind stirring the leaves. Near the cliff, he brushed against silver moss trailing from a grove of stooping oak trees. “If your beards grow any thicker, olden oaks, I’ll have to cut my way through!”


The musical sound of a waterfall reached his ears before it came into view, spouting from a high opening on the cliff face to cascade into a pool below. He descended a gradual slope to the water, where he clambered over a mossy boulder and peered into the rippling surface.

Gold fish with long feathery fins swam toward him. Several raised their heads out of the water and opened their mouths.

Anthony laughed. “I salute you too, Golden Knights of the Round Pool! And yes, I’ve brought your rations.”

He tossed crumbs to the fish as he looked around for the sparrow. The clear pool, an oval of about forty feet across, reflected blue sky, pale birch trees, and lush green ferns. He took off his shirt and shoes before plunging in and swimming toward the center where the water was deepest.

Several fish twirled gracefully around him. “Your armor shines in the sun!” Anthony ran his fingers across their slick scales before somersaulting in turn. They played games as they had for years, especially a favorite jousting game of Anthony’s in which they charged toward each other from opposite ends of the pool, turning aside at the last moment. Whenever Anthony floated on his back, several fish raised their heads out of the water and rested on him, opening and closing their mouths until he laughed and went under.

When his arms and legs had grown tired from swimming, Anthony climbed out on boulders at the edge of the cascade and let the cold spray wash over him. He drank deeply of the sweet, clean water, and then sat on a patch of grass to dry in the sun.

Eating his lunch, he watched the mesmerizing patterns of light and shadow made by the dancing birch leaves. His gaze wandered up the waterfall where a rainbow shone in the spray all the way to where the water sprang out of the cliff.

Dropping his gaze to the jagged rocks below, he shuddered as his thoughts turned to the martyrs. “That must be where the monks fell when they were thrown off the cliff. Mama said it was one of our ancestors who secretly buried them, but no one knows where. The medal he saved from the abbot is supposed to be a clue. I wish I could find their gravesite, and their abbey.”

Anthony scanned the skies for the sparrow again before lying back to watch the drifting clouds. His full belly, the soothing sound of splashing water, and the warmth of the sun soon lulled him to sleep.

A bird’s call woke him. Anthony sat up and rubbed his eyes in time to glimpse a sparrow fly over the precipice. He dressed hastily, grabbed his knapsack, and raced around the cliff. On this side, the oaks grew closer together, with vines tangling in the moss canopy.

From deep within the thicket came a tuneful call. “Is that you, birdy bright?” Crouching, Anthony pushed his way through the heavy growth.

The bird sang again, leading Anthony to an even more overgrown area where dense bushes grew between the trees. He caught a flash of wings ahead and a glimpse of russet. “Are you toying with me, bird?” He whistled, and the bird whistled back.

Anthony continued struggling through the growth for some time, whistling to the bird and following its responses. Soon, he was covered in scratches. “Hey, birdy! Unlike you, I don’t have wings. I’m going to turn back.”

In a sudden flapping of wings, a sparrow took flight from the brush ahead.

Anthony sprang forward, keeping his eyes on the bird. His foot caught in some low-growing vines, and he tripped. The ground dipped before him, and he tumbled down a long slope before coming to a stop lying flat on his face. Raising his head, he gasped at the sight that lay before him.

Spread out in a low clearing were the remains of ancient buildings, covered in ash and open to the sky. He stared wide-eyed for a few moments before unwrapping the vines around his legs and getting to his feet. Then he wandered around gazing at the surreal beauty of the skeletal stone structures. “I don’t believe it! The ruins were hidden before our eyes all along!”

Dead, charred trees were scattered throughout the area. “There must have been a huge fire.” When he laid his hand on a scorched trunk, the tree swayed. He pushed until it toppled over in a cloud of soot, filling the air with crackling sounds as its roots ripped from the soil. A nearby flock of crows cawed noisily as they flew off in a flash of black wings. Then everything was quiet and still again.

He headed toward the remains of a long building that was divided into sections by crumbling walls containing alcoves of varying sizes. “These must have been their cells.” Brushing off cobwebs, he wandered through the remnants of arch-lined corridors surrounding a center courtyard with a spacious circular fountain, long since run dry. In the middle of the fountain, a graceful stone fish mounted on a pedestal opened its mouth to the heavens. “It looks just like the ones in the Martyrs Pool.”

Continuing to explore, he soon came upon the shell of an edifice filled with massive piles of ash. Puffs of soot rose in the air as he sifted through the layers with a stick, uncovering remnants of singed leather book covers, some with metal hinges and clasps attached. In the deepest layers, gold leaf still glinted on the fading decorations and flowing letters of parchment fragments. “I’ll bet this was their library.”

After dusting himself off, he headed toward a toppled tower, its stone blocks splayed alongside tarnished bells of varying sizes. Striking a large one with a branch, he broke the silence with a deep, resonating knell.

He turned his gaze to the nearby shell of a once majestic building, now fallen for the most part and open to the sky. Stepping over the threshold, he craned his neck to gaze at the remaining columns and archways, some at their original towering heights. “And this was their church.”

Sparse plants poked between the stones of the spacious floor. The sun blazed off a tilted metal cross protruding from the top of a circular mountain of rubble. “This must have been the dome.”

Going around the mound, he spied a large altar at the far end of the church and clambered over collapsed pillars and debris to make his way there. The sides were crumbling, but the center portion still stood, covered in layers of ash and dust. A dead-looking thorny shrub grew from the rubble and hugged the pale marble.

Anthony climbed the altar steps to examine a carving visible amid the fissures on the front face. “A Chi-Rho.” His father had once shown him the symbol on a tombstone in the old part of the cemetery, explaining that it was a monogram for Christ.

At the sound of flapping wings, Anthony turned and spotted a sparrow disappearing into a pile of stones. It soon emerged with something in its beak before flying off.

“It was you!” Anthony scrambled over and peered into a gap between the stones. He caught the sweet scent of cedar as he spied wood. Stretching his arm into the opening, he managed to move it slightly. “It’s a cabinet door.”

After trying unsuccessfully to move the heavy pile of stones, he used a stick to prod inside the cabinet. It seemed empty except for a piece of cloth he maneuvered out.

Darkened by age, the scarlet silk square was embroidered in shiny gold thread with an intricate image of Christ crucified in a tree, encircled by a string of roses. One edge was frayed.

“So, this is what the sparrow used for its nest. Won’t Papa and Mama be surprised!” He slapped his forehead. “I was supposed to help Papa move the pedestal to the garden today.”

He looked at the sun, now low in the west and tinting the horizon red. “I must have slept longer than I thought.” He packed the cloth in his knapsack and hurried home.

It was almost dark when he found his parents in the Rosary Garden. Joseph stood on a stepladder on the center mound, attaching a pulley to scaffolding set up over a wooden pedestal. Anne was busy transplanting white lilies over the mound.

Anthony doubled over to catch his breath. “Papa, I’m sorry I’m late. I lost track of time. Why didn’t you wait for me to help you? That pedestal must have been heavy.”

“I used mortar to set it, and I wanted it dry enough to mount the statue in place tomorrow, on your name day feast.” He spoke haltingly between breaths. “I’ll definitely need your help for that.”

Anthony read aloud the words carved on the front of the pedestal base: “Ad Jesum per Mariam.”

“To Jesus through Mary,” Joseph explained, “the words on the back of the abbot’s medal.” He slowly climbed down and peered at his son. “What happened to you?”

Anthony grinned as he brushed soot from his clothes. “You’ll never guess what I found—the abbey ruins! They’re in a low valley not far from the Martyrs Cliff. And look at what I found there.” He brought out the cloth.

Joseph’s mouth dropped open. “How could we have missed them?”

“The ruins are surrounded by thick brush. I followed a sparrow and sort of stumbled in.”

“Our prayers to Saint Anthony have been answered on the eve of his feast day, your name day!” Joseph said.

“And the day you erect a statue modeled after the very image on the abbot’s medal!” Anne examined the cloth. “How exquisite! It’s a chalice veil. I’m surprised at how well it’s preserved.”

“It was in a cedar cabinet under the rubble. Maybe the stones shifted and opened the door. The sparrow I followed was tearing off pieces to build its nest.”

“Perhaps I can repair the damage and return it to the Church.” Anne’s eyes shone as she gazed at her son. “After so many generations, God has guided you to the long-forgotten abbey ruins. Maybe next He will guide you to the martyrs’ burial site!”

Joseph also studied the cloth. “The roses are arranged like beads on a rosary. It reminds me of our Rosary Garden.” He beamed at his son. “I can’t wait to explore the ruins!”

Anne patted her husband’s shoulder. “You look tired, Joseph. Let’s pray our Rosary and turn in.”

They walked together from one rose bush to the next as they did every evening, the blooms filling the air with their varying sweet scents. As twilight descended, the moon rose and cast a silver glow over the garden. Cricket choirs joined their soft chorus to the family’s prayers, carried on the summer breeze into the heavens.



Chapter 2

That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life.  Ephesians 5:26  


Piping birds awakened Anthony early the next morning, the Feast of Saint Anthony. He found his father in his work shed, wrapping canvas cloth over the statue.

“All finished, Papa?”

“Ready on your name day.” He tousled his son’s hair. “Today is the day we place the statue in our garden, one that you helped carve.”

Anthony smiled. “I only helped with the rough work.”

“And that was the most strenuous part,” Joseph replied. “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

Together, they leaned the life-sized statue against a tipped wheelbarrow and laid it back down. Each took a handle and gingerly pushed it across the grounds toward the Rosary Garden, slowly making their way through an opening in the hedges, past the loop of roses, and up the center mound.

After pausing to catch his breath, Joseph tied one end of rope from the overhead pulley around the center of the statue and looped it securely. “When I lift it, you line up the holes in the base with the pegs on the pedestal. Ready?” Pulling the rope from the other end of the pulley, he raised the statue enough for Anthony to guide it into position.

“You can lower it now, Papa.”

Joseph gently released the rope and then climbed the stepladder to uncover the statue of Our Lady of the Rosary holding the Christ Child. “This work took quite some time. I was afraid my health would give out before I could finish it. Now all that’s needed is to place the rosary.”

Reaching under his shirt collar, he removed a rosary from around his neck. He had carved each bead in the shape of a rose, and the cross as a branching tree with Christ Crucified. After draping the rosary over the arm of the Blessed Mother, he placed one of the beads in the little Lord’s hand, Who extended His other hand in blessing.

Joseph climbed back down and surveyed his work. “It’s fitting that the rosary on the statue is a likeness of our Rosary Garden. We are in the hands of Jesus and Mary.”

Anne, who had come over to watch, clasped her hands together. “It looks exactly like the image on the abbot’s medal. What a magnificent remembrance!”

“Soon I’ll build a stone grotto over it for protection from the weather.” Joseph turned to his son, his eyes twinkling. “But for now, I have a surprise for you. I obtained all the materials we need to build a tree house. We can start right away, now that I’ve finished the statue. It will give you a safe place to perch, since you like climbing to the heights of birds!”

Anthony’s face lit up. “A tree house! I can’t wait!”

“And I have a gift for you too.” His mother handed him a wrapped parcel.

Tearing off the paper, Anthony found a handmade notebook of thick cream pages. His name, surrounded by leaves, was embroidered in gold thread on the green cloth cover. There was also a tin box decorated with an image of the Christ Child appearing to Saint Anthony over an open Bible. Inside, Anthony found a large set of chalk pastels.

“I hope you use this gift to build your creative skills. I believe you have a great deal of talent, just like your father.”

He kissed his mother’s cheek. “Thank you, Mama.”

“And now we should get ready for Mass. We’ll take lilies for the feast; it’s the custom to bless them today.”

“And loaves of bread for the poor, in thanksgiving that our prayers to find the abbey were answered,” added Joseph.

After Mass at the village church, several of Anthony’s schoolmates came home with him to celebrate his name day. They played sports, hiked to the pool for a swim, and feasted. His mother had prepared his favorite foods and decorated a cake with his name.

In the evening after the guests left, the family prayed the Rosary in their garden, where the lifelike statue of Jesus and Mary now watched over them.

“You can show me the ruins first thing in the morning, Son, and then we’ll start on the tree house,” Joseph called out as he and Anne strolled back to the house, arm in arm.

“Thank you for a wonderful day. I’ll be in soon.” Anthony climbed the great tree through golden beams sifting through the leaves from the setting sun. He found the brightly colored sparrow perched beside the nest and another sparrow with softer coloring sitting inside. “Well, birdy bright, I see you’ve found a mate! She must have been impressed with your decorating skills.”

The bird in the nest rustled her feathers and resettled herself, revealing the bluish-white egg she sat upon. The father bird strutted a bit.

“A surprise for my name day feast?” Anthony gazed through the leaves as the colors of the horizon deepened to match the strips of cloth in the nest. “You didn’t know that your nest was made from sacred material, but at least you helped me find the ruins. My papa is also going to build a nest for me—a tree house. Maybe in this very tree!”

The next morning, Anthony found his mother in the kitchen. “Morning, Mama. Where’s Papa?”

“He’s not feeling well today. He has some chest pain and should rest.”

“Oh no. I hope he didn’t overdo it. Can I help with anything?”

“If you collect some hyssop, I can make a tea to soothe his symptoms.”

Anthony grabbed a shoulder sack and headed into the woods. His father had shown him a hyssop patch not too far from the Martyrs Pool, and he quickly spotted the lavender flower spikes. Using his pocketknife, he cut enough plants to fill his bag.

Upon returning home, he found his father sitting up in bed absorbed in carving. Wood shavings filled a cloth in his lap, and the sweet scent of cedar filled the room.

“Shouldn’t you be resting, Papa?”

Joseph looked up and smiled. “I am taking it easy.”

Anthony studied the rough carving. “That looks just like the crucifix you carved for the rosary on the statue.”

“I’m making a larger version for your mother. It’s too bad I can’t start on the tree house today or go with you to the ruins. Why don’t you tell me all about them?”

Anthony sat on the bed and described the ruins as his father worked.

After a time, Joseph leaned back on his pillow and closed his eyes.

Anthony quietly took the carving tool from his father’s hand and placed it on the bedside table. After discarding the wood shavings, he took breadcrumbs to the sparrows in the nest. “My papa’s not well today.”

The birds pecked the crumbs eagerly.

“He loves fresh fruit. I should go check the groves to see what’s ripe. I’ve been neglecting my harvesting chores.”

He went back to the house for a harvest basket. Besides bread for the birds that usually flocked around the statue of Saint Francis in the olive grove, he packed carrots for the rabbits that lived in a nearby meadow.

As he had expected, birds of all kinds covered Saint Francis, perching on his shoulders, hands, and even on his head. Anthony sat at the feet of the saint, tossing crumbs to the birds while admiring their varying colors and calls.

A family of gray rabbits hopped up and stood on their hind legs, noses and whiskers twitching. He held out the carrots. “Yes, I brought treats for you too, furry coats.”

Anthony gathered olives from the gnarled trees surrounding Saint Francis. Then he visited all the fruit groves, each with a statue of a different saint, and picked a variety of ripe fruit.

Anne prepared a fruit salad from the harvest, which they brought to Joseph that evening.

“My favorite dish! Thank you.” Joseph spoke between labored breaths. “I wish I could pray with you in the Rosary Garden, but I’m afraid I’m not yet well enough.”

“We’ll pray right here,” Anne said. They prayed the Rosary by his bedside. Afterward, Joseph drank hyssop tea and soon fell asleep.

The next morning, Anthony found his father still in bed, working on the crucifix.

“Are you feeling any better, Papa?”

“I just have a little pain in my chest,” Joseph replied through ragged breaths.

“We’ll have to let your father rest some more.” Anne placed a cup of tea by his bedside.

Anthony went outdoors and wandered around listlessly. “I’ve never seen Papa so ill.”

Drawing near the crucifix tree, he gazed up into the branches. “Mama said people have been healed while praying at this tree over the ages. I should pray for Papa. I could pray the Way of the Cross as I climb.” He ascended the first tier of branches and prayed the first station. Then he climbed higher and prayed the next, continuing for each station. He finished at eye level with the sparrow in her nest.

“Where’s papa bird?”

She tilted her head and peered at him.

“My papa is still unwell.” Anthony leaned against the trunk and lightly traced the outline of the hollow around the nest. “I didn’t notice before; the opening is shaped like a heart … the Heart of Jesus in the crucifix tree.”

The sparrow rose and stretched her wings before settling back down on her egg.

Anthony caught a glimpse of glittering threads in the nest. “Say, that cloth came from a holy place. I could walk to the church ruins to pray as pilgrims do. Maybe I could clear a path to make it easier for Papa when he feels better. Thanks for the inspiration, mama bird! I’ll bring you bread later.”

Anthony found a long scythe in the shed and carried it over his shoulder as he hiked toward the ruins. When he passed the Martyrs Pool, several fish poked their heads out of the water. “I’m sorry, little knights; I forgot to bring bread. I’ll remember next time.” He looked back before continuing around the cliff. “Is it my imagination, or does the waterfall seem slower?”

Making his way toward the ruins, he swung the tool through tangles of heavy moss, vine, and brush. After a time, his arms and shoulders ached. “This is slow work. I’ll clear more tomorrow.”

He propped the tool against a tree and then headed through the brush to the ruins. Reaching the altar, he climbed the steps and knelt.

He took out his handkerchief and wiped the sweat from his brow. Then he rubbed the ashes covering the Chi-Rho, revealing gold paint. He kept wiping as he spoke to God. “I know I don’t pray much, other than with my parents. I’ve busied myself with everything but You. Only please, make my papa well again.” He stayed there for some time, feeling more at peace in the stillness.

Upon awakening the next morning, Anthony rushed to check on his father. “How do you feel today, Papa?”

“I’m breathing better now. I may even feel well enough to pray in the Rosary Garden. I miss that so much.”

That evening, Anthony and Anne supported Joseph on either side as they slowly walked beside the rose bushes, reciting the Rosary.

“I’d like to sit awhile and gaze at the crucifix tree,” Joseph commented after they finished praying.

They helped him through the passageway to a nearby bench where they sat and watched the branches swaying in the breeze. Rosy light lit up the garden as the sun sank lower in the sky.

“The sight of that tree always fills my heart with peace.” Joseph sighed contentedly. “It seems to me as if it’s been growing here since the beginning of time, and that one day it will reach all the way to heaven. I’ve always felt that we are sheltered living beneath its boughs.”

He turned and looked fondly at his wife and son. “God has truly blessed my life, most especially with the two of you.” He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. “I’m ready to go back home now and rest.”

He grew a little weaker each day after that, sleeping more and breathing with more difficulty. A doctor visited, but there was nothing that could be done.

Anthony prayed the Way of the Cross in the crucifix tree and journeyed to the altar at the church ruins every day, clearing more of the path each time. He carried water from the Martyrs Pool to clean the ashes and dust from the altar, scrubbing the Chi-Rho until the gold paint gleamed. Now he knew it was not his imagination. The waterfall had slowed, and the level of the pool was slowly dropping.

Each day, he picked fresh fruit for his father, and Anne made soothing teas for him. They spent much time at Joseph’s bedside and prayed the Rosary with him every evening. As the days passed, it became too difficult for Joseph to speak the responses, but he prayed with them in his heart.

The village priest visited several times, hearing Joseph’s confession and bringing him the Blessed Sacrament. One evening, he gave him the Final Anointing.

Afterward, Joseph spoke to Anthony through labored breaths. “Son, I want you to keep your heart in the Heart of Christ.” He turned his gaze to the crucifix he had completed despite his illness, which Anne had hung beside the bed. “You will always find me there.”

Anthony cradled his father’s hand. “Papa, you have my heart.”

“And you will always find the Heart of Christ open at the cross.” Joseph closed his eyes.

Anthony tossed and turned all night. A howling wind kept awakening him, and when he did sleep, he had terrible dreams. The water in the Martyrs Pool dried up, and the fish flopped and gasped in puddles turned red with their blood. Shrieking birds streamed from the treetops, and a herd of deer raced past. Anthony realized the forest was burning. Struggling to breathe in the thickening smoke, he tried to run home, but he felt as if he were moving in slow motion.

He found himself in the Rosary Garden, where the rose petals were withering and falling to the ground. He made his way to the statue on the center mound and gazed up through billowing smoke at the faces of Jesus and Mary. “What if the fire reaches our home?”

A wave of hot air blew against his skin, and he turned to see that the crucifix tree had become a blazing pillar of red fire. Sparks showered down from its heights before it toppled over with a resounding boom.

He woke up as the sound faded into knocking. When his mother opened the door and spoke his name, he knew by looking at her drawn face that his father had passed away.

She sat beside him. “Papa is with God.”

They clung to each other and cried for some time. Then she led him into the bedroom to see his father. Bathed in morning light, Joseph looked as if he were having a beautiful dream, the lines on his face relaxed.

Anthony raised his eyes to the crucifix on the wall. Detailed leaves cradled the body of Christ as He hung upon the tree. The wood was stained at His wounds, especially at the opening in His Heart. With His eyes partially open, Jesus seemed to gaze at Anthony from the depths of His suffering.
Anthony remembered his father’s last words to him, that he would find him in the Heart of Christ, open at the cross. Gazing into the eyes of his carving of Christ Crucified, Anthony knew that his father was already there.





Chapter 3

Arise, give praise in the night, in the beginning of the watches: pour out thy heart like water before the face of the Lord.  Lamentations 2:19 


The day of the funeral dawned gray and overcast. At the village church, many friends came to offer condolences, including Anthony’s schoolmates; but he felt as if he were watching everything from a distance. The tolling church bells struck against his heart, and everything seemed like a bad dream, especially when his father’s casket was lowered into the earth.

Upon returning home, Anne retired to her room to rest. Anthony wandered around outdoors with a hollow ache in his heart. Low-swirling mists parted before him as he headed in the familiar direction of the Martyrs Pool. He kept feeling as if he would see his father at any moment or hear his voice again, carried on the wind.

The waterfall dribbled into the murky pool, where his gloomy reflection peered back at him. The fish did not come up as they usually did. Sitting on a boulder at the water’s edge, Anthony hugged his knees and buried his face in his arms. As memories of his father replayed in his mind, his shoulders shook with sobs, and soon his sharp gasps cut through the stillness.

After a long while, he looked up. Several fish had poked their heads out of the water through the drifting mists.

“It hurts so much, little brothers, as if I fell into a dark abyss I can’t climb out of.” He took out his handkerchief and wiped his face. “I could cry a river of tears. I wonder if Papa felt a lot of pain.”

Feeling stiff, he rose to his feet and stared bleary-eyed across the pool. His gaze traveled up the trickling waterfall to the plateau. “And what was it like for the monks who had to climb to their deaths?”

He made his way around the cliff where the ascent was not as steep. He began climbing, the effort releasing some of his pent-up emotion.

The rocky soil was loose, with sparse vegetation. Halfway up, he slid down several feet before catching hold of a shrub. “Mama has enough worries without me falling.” He climbed more cautiously, digging his feet into the soil.

After a long time, he finally pulled himself onto the windy summit. Catching his breath, he watched the shadows made by passing clouds across the landscape. He could see for miles and quickly spotted the crucifix tree and the far-off river. Farther in the distance, sunlight glinted on the sea, and he could just make out a crag at the shore. “It’s as if I were at the top of the world.”

Peering closer below, he spotted the monastery ruins nestled behind the moss-covered oak grove. “If I’d thought to climb up here before, I would have discovered the ruins sooner. Then maybe Papa could have had a chance to see them.”

He sat down and noticed a mark on a flat white stone near the edge of the cliff. Wiping off the dirt with his palm, he uncovered a carved fish symbol. “Could someone have marked the place of martyrdom?”

He lay on his stomach and peered over the edge, watching the water dribble into the pool. When he thought of the monks falling from this dizzying height, his stomach clenched.

“Where was God when they fell? … And why does He seem so far from me? … Jesus also felt alone on the cross.” A tear slipped down his face and plummeted toward the pool. Sliding away from the edge, he rolled onto his back and gazed at an eagle gliding high above. “The souls of the martyrs flew straight into heaven. Where is my papa?”

He closed his eyes and lay listening to the wind as his tears flowed quietly. When he opened his eyes again, the colors of the sky had deepened, and the horizon was tinged in lavender and crimson fire. “I should see how Mama’s doing. She looked so tired and sad.” He climbed down and hurried home, arriving before dark.

Anne looked up from the dishes she was drying. “I saved some dinner for you.”

“Thank you, Mama, but I don’t think I can eat right now. Let me do that for you.” He took the towel from her.

She kissed his cheek. “I think I’ll go to bed early, right after we pray our Rosary. You should get some rest too.”

That night, Anthony dreamed he was at the shore of an iridescent sea that blended into the sky. Walking beside the water, his feet rose above the ground, and he found that he could move just by willing it. He glided over the waves with a flock of dazzling white birds. Shimmering fish kept pace beneath the surface, and he plunged in and out of sea and sky, feeling free and fully alive.

A man approached along the shore. When he drew closer, Anthony saw that it was his father, looking youthful and radiant.

Joseph smiled at him. “The Morning Star guided me into a sea of peace.”

“Papa, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Yet a little while, and you and I will be together again.” He gazed lovingly at his son before turning and walking away.

Anthony desperately wanted to follow but could not move.

Joseph looked back at him. “Remember to keep your heart in the Heart of Christ.”

“Papa, wait!” Anthony awoke to the sound of his own voice calling out.

From the sunshine streaming in through the windows, he guessed it was late morning. His mother came into his room, sat beside him, and placed something in his hand.

Anthony sat up. It was a rosary, carved from dark-red cedar wood just like the one on the statue in the garden, but without the crucifix. An ancient gold medal was attached.

“Your father carved this for you even as his strength ran out. He used wood from the crucifix tree but didn’t get to finish the crucifix.” Her voice choked. “He wanted you to have a replica of the one on the statue, so you could always have the Rosary Garden with you: the roses, the crucifix tree, and the statue. Maybe you can carve the crucifix yourself.”

Anthony examined the image on the medal, which looked exactly like the statue his father had carved. He turned it over and read the engraved words aloud: “Ad Jesum per Mariam. This is the abbot’s medal.”

“It comes to you now. Let those words remind you that Christ gave His Own Mother to be ours, and no child of hers will ever be lost.”

Fingering the rose beads, Anthony imagined his father painstakingly carving each one just for him. “I’ll keep it close to my heart.” He placed the rosary over his head and tucked it under his shirt. “I was just having a dream about Papa. I miss him terribly.”

Anne hugged her son. “I know. Your father grieved to leave you so early in your life, but we must trust God as he did. And one day, we will all be together again. I have something of his I want you to have.”

She went to her bedroom and retrieved a book with pages edged in gold, and a green leather cover tooled with a foliage design. “Your father read from this Bible every day. Like the prayers of the Rosary, the Scriptures will help you to know God. Drawing closer to Him will bring you healing and peace.”

Anthony pressed the book to his heart. “Thank you, Mama.”

Later that day, he rambled around outside. Drawn to his father’s work shed, his heart swelled when he spied the materials for the tree house. He picked up a carving chisel from the worktable and turned it over in his hands. “I could never carve a crucifix as well as Papa. I’ll have to practice a great deal.”
The high-pitched cries of a bird reached his ears, carried on the breeze. He put the tool in his pocket and went outside. The faint cries seemed to be coming from near the great tree.

Hurrying over, he spotted a nest lying on the grass beneath the tree. When he scooped it up, he saw bits of scarlet cloth with gold thread. A bald baby sparrow lay limply inside with its eyes closed. “Oh no! Where’s your mother?”

The mother bird was nowhere in sight. Anthony had not seen the father in a long time either. “I should put your nest back in the hollow, so she can find you.” He wrapped the nest in the tail of his shirt and formed a pouch by tucking the ends into his waistband. Then he climbed up the tree to the hollow.

Despite several attempts, he could not place the nest back in. He was afraid it would fall apart or that he would hurt the tiny sparrow. Feeling the weight of the chisel in his pocket, he took it out began chipping at the hollow.

“What a terrible summer this has been. I prayed so much, but God didn’t hear me. Maybe it’s because I’m to blame for Papa getting so ill; I should have helped him more.”

The baby bird in its nest seemed to be crying its misery along with him. He struck harder at the tree. “Maybe this little sparrow will die. How is it still alive after falling from this height? And the fish will die too if the water keeps drying up. Why is life so full of suffering and death? What good is it all?”

His hand stung from the repeated blows. Sap oozed from the deep cut he’d made, filling the hollow and trickling down the trunk. He put his finger into the warm reddish liquid and tasted it, finding it sweet. “What have I done? I’ve stabbed the Heart of Christ in the crucifix tree.”

He looked at the tiny bird lying in the nest. Its chirps had grown fainter, and its mouth gaped pitiably. Anthony sighed. “I don’t think I can put your nest back in now, and I don’t think your mother will return. Both our lives are full of loss. But don’t worry, little one; I’ll take care of you. Even if your mother has forgotten you, I won’t.”

Anthony knew that a newly hatched bird needed extra warmth and feedings throughout the day. All that week, he cradled the nest in a pouch he wore against his chest, careful at all times not to crush the sparrow.

By the end of the week, the bird’s eyes had opened, and it had grown a coat of gray down. Anthony placed its nest on the window seat in his room, where steps outside the window led into the garden. “Now you can have fresh air and sunshine while I watch over you. You don’t know it, but you’re helping me too. Taking care of you helps me forget my sorrow for a little while.”

Soon the sparrow’s feathers grew into a mix of soft gray and brown. It learned to hop onto Anthony’s fingers and then up to his shoulder. It loved to perch there and chirped contentedly when Anthony and his mother prayed in the Rosary Garden.

“The little one seems to want to join in our prayers,” Anne commented one evening after they prayed.
Anthony gazed at the statue in the center of the garden. “Sometimes when we pray, I can almost hear Papa’s voice joining with ours.”

“I feel closer to him when we pray too, especially at Mass.” She studied her son’s face. “Maybe it would lift your spirits to have some company. Why don’t you invite a friend over tomorrow after Mass?”

Anthony lowered his head. “I don’t have the heart for company right now.”

She put her arm around him. “Let Christ accompany you, especially in times of sorrow.”

The next morning after Mass, they walked to the nearby parish cemetery to visit Joseph’s gravesite. Anthony carried a bouquet of roses from the Rosary Garden. Seeing that his mother had difficulty walking, it occurred to him she had slowed down a great deal lately, and that her hair was now streaked with gray.

“Mama, take my arm.” He supported her as they strolled along the uneven paths to where Joseph was buried. Anthony laid the bouquet before the stone cross marker and helped his mother kneel to pray. Kneeling beside her, he studied the Sacred Heart in the center of the cross. It reminded him of his father’s last words to him, and he pondered over their meaning.

When Anne made the Sign of the Cross, Anthony rose to help her up.

“Let’s visit the grave of our ancestor who buried the monks,” Anne suggested. “I haven’t been to the old part of the cemetery for some time. We should pray for our loved ones who may be in Purgatory, even if we think they are in heaven.” She held onto his arm as they strolled down into a low area where the tombstones were cracked and darkened by time.

She pointed to an ancient slab with a faded engraving of a fish. “Here lies Jonas. It’s fitting an ichthys marks his resting place. The symbol was used by the early Christians who had to practice their faith in secret. Jonas also had to live his faith in a time of great persecution. His reward must be great in heaven.” Her breath came in gasps.

“Are you tired, Mama?”

“Yes. Perhaps I should go back home and rest.” She patted his hand. “You’re such a help to me, Son. I’ve noticed all the work you’ve been doing lately, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”

“I want to do more for you, Mama. Helping you makes me feel better.”

She gazed at the ichthys. “That is the nature of love; it makes suffering more bearable, and when joined with that of Christ, even sacred.”